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On Circumstances

Perhaps there is something amiss when I am in a mental place where can say to myself in all seriousness, "I suppose I deserve $NEGATIVE_SOCIAL_THINGY because I am a freak."

Muggles, pens, words, music, poetry, journals, dreams ... circumstances. And it takes one cryptic thing to get me to realize exactly how much another cryptic thing really should be bothering me. Warning flags. I know I didn't explain it well enough the last time I talked the second cryptic thing over with my priestess-confessor. Circumstances. Marginalized.

A specific Negative Social Thingy happened, see, much like other negative social thingies that have happened to me over the years. This was quite some time ago, and I came to the sad conclusion that it was because I am a Freak. Time passed, and other Negative Social Thingies happened, again, because I am a Freak. Then, much to my utter surprise, I learned that this specific Negative Social Thingy from a while ago was not, in fact because I am a Freak, but because of what were (in all honesty) some pretty unavoidable circumstances utterly unrelated to me. This is making me re-evaluate all things that I have assumed have happened to me because I am a freak, now.

I am, still, a freak. Perhaps, however, I don't deserve all the bullshit.

I miss the Monkeys. More than them, I miss the Circle of Chaos with all my heart. The five of us got in such mischief, and we managed to emerge from it with reasonable safety and sanity, but most importantly, with each other.
Gone away, gone ahead,
Echoes roll unanswered.
Empty, open, dusty, dead.
Why have all the Weyrfolk fled?

Where have dragons gone together
Leaving weyrs to wind and weather,
Setting herdbeasts free of tether;
Gone, our safeguards, gone, but whither?

Have they flown to some new weyr
Where cruel Threads some others fear?
Are they worlds away from here?
Why, oh why the empty weyr?

-- "The Question Song", Anne McCaffrey
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