Next order of business: find out who put this on me, why, how, when, and where. Another good thing would be finding the exact what of it.
And find out if the spell's keyed to an object; if I keep re-hexing myself. If it was in fact Darkside targeted that I like.
Was it aimed at a past self? Was it Shawn?
[birthdays of Sis, Dude, and Darkside]
Whewh. It's gone. I don't have to unnecessarily shield around Darkside anymore.
I seem to be [sigil involving a chaosphere in an eye].
I asked Sis what she did about that Thing. She not only banished it from me, she returned it to sender tenfold. I asked what the effects on the sender would be. She'll work on it tomorrow morning.
It wasn't Shawn. That takes quite a load off my mind. I would have been so mad if it were, and so would some of my associates in Fairbanks.
--Sis's sister was OK in the car accident she was in. It could have been far, far worse.
Darkside seems to have a far greater capacity for handling energy than I do. And I thought of myself as high-energy. Compared to some witches, I probably am.
And I thought I could go home after class.
I'm waiting around because I have to see if I'm eligible for College Work-Study. If I am, I'll try and get that library job, and maybe another DeVry job.
The pattern of the effects of the enchantment had Shanna, the sensible one when it comes to sex & love, going after Darkside, and me resisting.
I explained it to Sis. Usually while Shanna does crack jokes about sex & all, and makes the crude lewd & rude suggestions, she does it to tease the hell out of me, and would stop me from doing anything Way Too Fucking Stupid. However, then, it was Shanna trying to get me to do something Completely Idiotic. I was the one restraining her. --That's one of the things that led me to suspect Shawn: he only knew Shanna in that form, not suspecting her actual mental function. And when I told her about it, she became furious, which blocked a great deal of it. Today I was able to walk in and say hi without putting up interior mental shields (which I did yesterday) or deliberately having Shanna maintain a state of fury.
Question: how did the enchantment get past my general shields?
--1. My shields are for shit.
--2. My shields were down then.
--3. Ze is WAY FUCKING BADASS STRONG. (but wouldn't I have felt it?)
--4. It hooked in when Darkside and I linked w/o Sis to drain the Situation w/ her sis's car accident.
--5. It had my cooperation, whether conscious or not.
Was it lying in wait for when I unshielded? Was it transmitted through an unguarded route, whether my latent crush on Darkside, or through, say, BJ through an unguarded route, or from Jae?
Would I have felt it if my shields had been forced?
Could I have been deceived or lulled into relaxing my shields?
Are my shields up all the time? Are my shields strong enough? How do I set my shields?
Was falling specifically for Darkside the intent? Was just falling for someone who would cause chaos in a relationship of that type w/me what was sought? Why?
WHAT -- -- -- !?
When. Monday, possibly, or a bit earlier, because on Monday Shanna wanted me to kiss Darkside & I refused to tell him what was up, though he clearly recognized that Something Odd was Up. Monday afternoon I described Darkside to BJ in glowing terms as a possible candidate for Joanie's Boyfriend-Person. I resisted letting BJ find out what Shanna had been saying.
Tuesday, I registered, however subconsciously, that there was a Problem. I wrote a note to Sis about it at breakfast & she looked in the cards. I acted off-the-wall and paid unnatural attention to Darkside. Tuesday afternoon: Having confirmed that it was a Bad Thing, I suddenly got the impulse to check by coin flip for a fascination spell. Bingo!
Wednesday: I resisted. An exercise in futility. Sis promised to do something about it. Telling BJ & telling Darkside were both strongly counterindicated. Got Shanna good & mad. She resisted; I was able to maintain a near-normal, if strained, attitude.
Wednesday night/Thursday morning. Sis does an exorcism, drawing the negative influence out of me & returning it tenfold to sender.
Thursday morning. I query Sis as to the exact effect of the "return to sender" spell -- Sis realizes that this will cause the sender to display some of the same antisocial techniques employed by your garden-variety stalker. She'll work on that tonight.
Article: The Cult of Josh.
Article: How CTY Changed My Life.
Rewrite: This Room Is Not A Mess.
I am so turned ---
Heh. I speculated to Sis that our fellow might be a friend of Darkside's who mistakenly thought he might be doing Darkside a favor. Sis wondered if it was Shrimpy-dude. I asked the coin. Yes. Sis asked the cards. Definitely. His alignment is water.
Sis so toasted him. I'd been thinking about fried shrimp today.
Sis and I are cracking up. Shrimpy-dude! Wow. Shrimpy-dude!!
Shrimpy-dude may end up coming to the tri-circle for help. Sis toasted his ass.
Started a Book of Shadows. I wrote in runes on the front inside bit -- "This is my Book of Shadows. Do not mess with it, ye unwary or nosy, lest ye be painfully surprised." About the edge, I wrote [in runes: "I cannot tell you what this says: it is a secret."] several times.
Queenie was writing to me quite a bit a while back. She wanted sex instructions, as I was a bit of a sex guru or something. Sis says it does work that way -- you don't know jack about something, then you start learning. You still don't know jack, but now other people ask you things, and you know the answer. I aspire to know more. It makes me feel very silly to think that I was advising Queenie back when we were self-taught teen witch types. The trouble we could (and probably did) bring down upon our poor silly fluffy little heads!
I've found that blasting classic New Wave while the guys are watching Male Chauvinist Pig Central makes for good homework, even if I do bop and snap my fingers while I'm reading up on memory.
If I were a true Freudian psychologist, I would get such a charge out of James Bond movies.
Oh yeah. That looked so fake. "View to a Kill." Gun. Stairs. Chain. Priceless antique vase.
This shrimpy dude ... man. Darkside can't stand him. He's the type of cute that makes the maternally inclined fayoumis pat him on the head and tell him to run along and play.
Y'know, given that I'm in the group and I seem to be the embodiment of Chaos, we may indeed be the Circle of Chaos, as it said in that amusing little article on Themestream.
Queenie thanked me very much for the adulthood box. She used the vibrators. Now, however, she has an incredible boyfriend.
My minor arcana is the 8 of Swords. Swords are actually air. Wands are generally fire.
Still have yet to get much in the way of satisfying sex this year. The very quick quickie New Year's does not count, and the time on the bathroom floor here in the apartment was not satisfactory.
Saw the movie Snatch the other night. Nearly as twisted as Wild Things.
...heh. Bet Sara & Hal [gamer buddy of BJ's and his wife, consulted me on some arcana] would freak a little now. Holy shit. So they went to me as the most advanced Practitioner they knew in Fairbanks? O gods. They would be very surprised to see me now. Far less arrogant, far more sure of myself.
It's nice, having made roots here in Arizona. I was upset about leaving Fairbanks because I had finally made friends of my own general maturity -- they were all older, actually -- I was the baby, not even really married -- we were a Four Circle of bi multiple personalitied witch housewives.
A useful definition -- a mage or magician works w/ High Magic(k) -- elaborate ritual construction. Witches can have simpler ritual & go w/the flow, use whatever works, generally more earth/life oriented.
If I haven't entirely mistaken it all, of course.