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Cleric Moments

trystan_laryssa pointed out, based on a few things that I said, that I should really be ... I'm not sure how to phrase it. Mindful of my clerical duties? The exact word she used was "priestess", and she was wondering if I'd ever been confirmed in any title of that nature, because she thought that if I hadn't, then perhaps I ought to be.

It's becoming evident that Figment and I are excellent clerical partners, because we complement each other so nicely. His specialty is macro. My specialty is micro. He and I can share abilities. I'd never before given over my gifts to someone else to borrow (don't be afraid to give yourself away) but I did the other night when he was keeping watch over me.

The other night, what I do and don't trust about the situation came up, and I was hard-pressed to say why I knew that so much of it was right, when there are several warning flags that clearly indicate that there are a few very strong wrong things present. I've been able to articulate some of it, now.

I do trust our strengths, and I trust our strengths together. He and I, separately and collectively, have myriad virtues, and all of those I trust. I perhaps would not be so quick to trust him were he just a stranger off the street who I'd met; I'd want to know him more, know him longer, know more about him. But he came highly recommended to me by a couple who I've known a year now, and they came recommended to me by someone I'd met in 2001. I knew him socially for over half a year before I began getting to know him this deeply.

His social self is consistent with the inner self I'm meeting, and the inner self I'm meeting is consistent with the inner self that my friends who have known him half a decade describe to me. I have caught him in evasions, misdirections, and one incident that was close to an outright lie, and all of those are consistent in character and motivation with the person he presents himself as and the principles he holds. They're choices that I might make, under similar circumstances. While I can be angry with him for misleading me on something necessary for me to know, it follows logically from the first principles that he holds, and he has never tried to hide those from me. He is my evil twin, not a saint. (In that situation, telling me the absolute truth at that moment would have been unnecessary cruelty, though he should not have concealed the truth from me once it would have been psychologically okay for me to know it.)

What I don't trust is our weaknesses. I know where my weaknesses lie, many of them, and how I have to evade them and borrow strength from friends and family to work around them. I'm learning his weaknesses, and I observe that some of our weaknesses fall in overlapping places. We're evil twins. It stands to reason that we're weak on some of the same things. It stands to more reason that when we've got matching weaknesses, we can get sucked into a nasty spiraling feedback loop that takes something major to break into. I don't trust myself to be strong on certain things, and I know that when I'm working by myself, while I'm weak, I'm passable, but when I'm with him, our weaknesses feed off each other and we wind up worse on that end of things than we would have been alone.
Gone away, gone ahead,
Echoes roll unanswered.
Empty, open, dusty, dead.
Why have all the Weyrfolk fled?

Where have dragons gone together
Leaving weyrs to wind and weather,
Setting herdbeasts free of tether;
Gone, our safeguards, gone, but whither?

Have they flown to some new weyr
Where cruel Threads some others fear?
Are they worlds away from here?
Why, oh why the empty weyr?

-- "The Question Song", Anne McCaffrey
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