Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

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Hope Transfusion

I balled up tighter on the couch.

"Let me show you that you're loved," he said. "Open your heart and feel what I'm feeling. You don't have to be strong, now. Just feel."

So, through the near-tears that stiffened my muscles and greyed out all the rest of my emotions, I collapsed and just listened with my heart.

And as he held me ever so tightly and gently, a wonderful warm feeling came through me, and instead of pushing it away, I allowed it to come closer and closer, and take up space inside me like a yellow velour balloon being slowly inflated.

And I let my mind drift into it. I wasn't sure I was myself anymore, after that, and I said so. "Focus on one moment when you were you so very strongly that there was room for nothing else," he said. And I looked through my mind for one moment when I was me. I wasn't sure I could find one, but I finally did. It was nothing spectacular, just a quiet moment with a friend. I re-lived that moment, and felt the clammy smoke-blue inside my head warm with sunlight. I felt my face against a warm arm; I felt a glowstick in my fingers. I smiled, and moved deeper into the memory. I felt the game controller in my hands, and the love for the woman snuggled up against me in my heart, though I resisted the urge to reach out and stroke her hair. Hope and certainty were back, as if they'd never disappeared.

Always make a backup, lest crucial things get overwritten or destroyed. When he had no hope, I gave him mine. When I lost my hope, he gave mine right back to me.

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