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Envy

Sometimes I envy people who are wired sufficiently monogamously that they have no chance of falling in love with a second person while they're in love with someone. It still takes time, effort, and attention to maintain the relationship and the love with the person you're in love with, but that's life.

The thing that I dislike most about being able to love so much is when I start to try to love people who are utterly inappropriate for me to love -- not just people who I'm not able to date, but people who are such that I know that loving them will cause me untold grief, yet I still want to love them and get emotionally involved with them.

It would be nice to be able to say, "I love ____, so I can't love anyone else right now. Dance card full. Go away." Not often, but just when needed. I can say that to them, no problem. The trick would be saying it to myself.


Inspired by a post and my comments in same
Gone away, gone ahead,
Echoes roll unanswered.
Empty, open, dusty, dead.
Why have all the Weyrfolk fled?

Where have dragons gone together
Leaving weyrs to wind and weather,
Setting herdbeasts free of tether;
Gone, our safeguards, gone, but whither?

Have they flown to some new weyr
Where cruel Threads some others fear?
Are they worlds away from here?
Why, oh why the empty weyr?

-- "The Question Song", Anne McCaffrey
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