She and I have been chatting more often. The attempted call on Friday night that got cut off was her vs. the phone; Darkside hadn't picked up yet, and she didn't put it on hold properly. Alas, I was too busy working then to call right back.
She heard the story of the unfortunate closet incident, and proceeded to laugh appropriately (that is to say, a lot). She and I have been getting along, which is a good thing. By voice, she reminds me of Figment's mother, which is scary. I want to avoid confusing the two with each other. Darkside's mom agrees that I am not a good candidate for conversion to LDS, and she further pointed out that I am not the sort to want to be overshadowed or overly bossed around by any man. (Not that Figment would do that, but that wasn't the point.)
I should, when the opportunity strikes, write up the Punk Kid in the Closet Incident, the River's Mom and River's Shower and Me incident, and see if I can remember any of the Screwing In BJ's Room With The Door Open And Then His Mom Came Downstairs incident.