Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic
azurelunatic

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Cheating

It makes me feel a bit guilty, after, when I come out of an intense session doing things in Fuzzy's creative world. Fuzzy can make me see his worlds through his eyes, and I'm the one with the words to come back out of his segment of the Before and describe these things.

You see, my heart belongs to me, but it's on long-term loan to Darkside. So when I go into a place with Fuzzy that's nothing like anything I've been able to share with Darkside, I feel guilty -- not because I shouldn't be doing this project with Fuzzy, because that's not it -- Fuzzy and I have been meant to work together since we met -- but because I should be able to do this with Darkside too, and ... so far, we haven't.

I want to be plunged so far into Darkside's world of creativity that I have to consciously remind myself to breathe the Earth air -- and not just as an observer, but as a co-creator. I want to see Darkside's eyes glowing as he emerges from diving into one of my worlds with the details of something I've missed that he's been able to see for me. That is what I want.

And until we have it, it's silly -- even wrong -- for me to put my brain on hold to wait until we can be together. It would be very wrong of me to tell Fuzzy that I cannot do this with him because it compromises a relationship that doesn't technically exist. It would compromise everything more to deny the creative bond that exists. It would be a betrayal of self and other, and I'd forever regret it. It might -- would -- hamper the creative bond between Darkside and me.

That doesn't mean it's comfortable, though.
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