Things Hogwarts Faculty and Staff had better come to terms with (in the style of the # Things lists)
Jokes based on the popular culture of my youth have not been funny for the past hundred or so years.
Those candies I prefer are actually disgusting to everyone but me, and I must no longer offer them to new colleagues lest they feel constrained out of politeness to accept some.
The charming recent graduate who was making eyes at me all through their seventh year does not have the academic credentials to be hired yet, and their application will only be declined, no matter how much I may nag and tease.
No matter how many points I assign or subtract from the other houses, the Headmaster will still skew the balance at the end of the term towards his own favorites.
New students will think that the obvious witticism about my name is hilarious.
No matter how many times I assign punishment for it if they make it in my hearing.
Unless I come up with something so horrendous that the experienced students will warn the younger ones.
Even so, someone will.
No matter how exactly I define the terms of what is 'acceptable work' and what is not, someone will find a way around the letter of the law and submit sarcastically unacceptable work that fits every particular of my standards.