Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

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Current mental state, copy & condensation from a comment

Father and son are too much alike. So I have beyond-the-norm understanding of why Lady Malfoy and Malfoy Senior are so close. I'm going wildly back and forth between two polar opposite emotions. I'm skating the edge of so frantically worried that I'm about to slip into shock. (It's probably bad that I know the symptoms of shock so well from the inside.) I'm also skating the edge of wildly elated that Darkside is letting me in, and that Lady Malfoy has me on her list of people who get the full medical details rather than just the correct-but-incomplete-and-far-less-worrying wave-off. I'm not even sure if Darkside heard one of the things she's told me. But. The circumstances. So I'm actually in the numb-and-strong response, mostly, which is my typical Functional response to disaster. I'm awfully good at being Functional. And I think they do need someone about who is used to being a pillar of strength through a disaster. If I can survive that thing with Sis relatively whole, I can survive this.

So I think I need to write an essay on Observing Grief, for group tonight. I don't have enough coherent in me to work on anything lighter. And maybe I can re-work some of my "Love letters from a prickly bitch to a sarcastic bastard" to be something I can show in public. Maybe. Someday.

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