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Commentary.

theferrett asks: "If I could erase __________ from my memory so I could have the pleasure of experiencing it all over again, I would."

I wouldn't.

Anything good enough to want that pleasure over and over again, I want the pleasure of recognition as well. The "I remember the -- oh, it's better than I remembered!" -- the pleasure of seeing an old and beloved friend again after too long, rather than meeting someone new for the first time.

If I had to pick something, though, I'd pick a book that's serially released in chapters first before it's finally released all of a piece, and read the chapters as they come out, then erase the memory of those (temporarily, if I could) and read it again all of a piece to get the first-time rush again. The pleasure of suspense between chapters changes the nature of a story from the story that you get when you just turn the page for the new chapter.


shadesong asked why we picked the usernames we did.

The name is a former personality-name, left over as a nostalgia-bit from when "I" was "we", and "we" were four -- Joan-Prime, Shanna, Mona, and Azure Lunatic. A few months prior to the journal creation, our best friend Darkside had suggested that the four of us all come out at once to see what happened. And they merged into a single unit -- "I". And of the names of the previous four, that was the most unique and interesting name. We'd been using it online a bit previously, having grown from shadow_rose to silenceshadow to starrose to manicblue to, finally, azurelunatic.


The name itself came from a band name generator at mp3.com, back in '97 or so. It was a punk band name generator, that kicked out unlikely-but-hilarious punk names such as "pierced vomit". I wrote down a few and kept reloading; when "Azure Lunatic" came up, it struck something in me instantly, and I knew it was me. If I ever had a band, I promised myself, and I was the lead singer, we would be Azure Lunatic and the Screaming Meemies.

The Wheel turned, and teenager became twenty-year-old with a Vampire: the Masquerade Malkavian to name. The name was still in the back of my (our) head: Azure Lunatic. A blue-haired ex-nun vampire, with a fixation on wood and, ultimately, a disinterest in V:tM politics; she and I wandered off from the game, never to return. But we kept the personality: we liked her.


Currently, I essentially live in my journal. The face I present in my journal is near enough to the face I present to those who matter that there's no need for a difference of name. I am azurelunatic. Work has heard that I answer to "Loony"; they're probably going to start calling me that every now and then. It's become my primary identity. I'm blue. I'm nutty. The rest? Read the journal.
Gone away, gone ahead,
Echoes roll unanswered.
Empty, open, dusty, dead.
Why have all the Weyrfolk fled?

Where have dragons gone together
Leaving weyrs to wind and weather,
Setting herdbeasts free of tether;
Gone, our safeguards, gone, but whither?

Have they flown to some new weyr
Where cruel Threads some others fear?
Are they worlds away from here?
Why, oh why the empty weyr?

-- "The Question Song", Anne McCaffrey
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