Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic
azurelunatic

Things I can't do at Hogwarts (more)

Hogwarts is a respected institution of learning. As staff of such, I may not list "bribes" with my itemized work-related expenses.
- Even if it is true.

Muggles do have creative talent of their own. It is wrong of me to tell impressionable First-Years that all Muggle hit songs were recorded by wizards first.
- Especially as the music-stealing goes both ways, and the Muggle Band the Wyrd Sisters existed long before the wizarding one.

Even if any of my teachers did have a sex life, speculation on this is none of my concern.

Obscene references to Muggle pop culture would be funnier if anyone else understood them.
- Any references to Muggle pop culture, see above.
- As it is, I am the only one who finds them funny.
- My Muggleborn yearmates do not count.

Reassuring my male Pureblood professors that low-slung hip-hugging jeans and pink glittery midriff-baring shirts is the latest in fashionable Muggle attire, and that everyone is wearing this, is inappropriate, though technically correct.
- Especially if he'll be traveling through a sleazy part of town.
- Even though he can defend himself.
- Even if he is a bit of a flamer.

What little the Muggles do know about real magic is accidental. The rest is incorrect. Therefore, "I saw it on the telly!" does not excuse that pathetic attempt of a spell I just tried to cast.
- Neither does "I read it in a book!"
- Especially when that book is a role-playing game manual.
- "I didn't think it would work!" does not excuse the results if I do succeed.

Poisoning my classmates is frowned upon, even if I do have a bezoar handy.

Throwing myself off the Astronomy Tower is inexcusable, even if I am following an angel.
- Taking proper precautions (i.e., Cushioning Charm, Feather-Fall, a waiting broomstick, an accomplice casting Wingardium Leviosa) first only mildly decreases the amount of House Points I just lost.

Muggle cultural phenomena are strange and scary. I will not attempt to explain them to my Wizard friends.

Wizard cultural phenomena are strange and scary. I will not attempt to explain them to my Muggle friends, or especially the parents of any Muggleborn wizards I know.
- Not even if they're my parents.
- Or my sister. Think of Petunia Dursley.

Foolish bets or dares involving inappropriate clothing, up to and including nudity, should be confined to my House's private areas, such as bedrooms or the Common Room, and should under no circumstances involve the Great Hall.

Muggle movies do not even get Muggle magic right. Attempting to duplicate a spell I have seen there will make me look foolish at best.
- Attempting to duplicate the results of a spell I saw in a movie with actual magic is also frowned upon.

Teaching my classmates Muggle obscenities in the guise of teaching them useful phrases if they're ever stranded in the wilds of Washington, D.C., is frowned upon.

I will not insist on speaking in rhyme all of the time. Especially not couplets. No good will come of it.

A certain amount of sneaking into the kitchens after hours can be overlooked, but I am no longer afforded this privilege. If I try to do this anyway, the House Elves will inform the Headmaster.

Even if there had been a monster under my bed at any point, my histrionics have surely scared it away by now.
- It has not migrated under a bed of a roommate.

Someone else has already made all the obvious commentary about words similar to "horcrux".
- I should not search for original comments.
- The more I say that word, the less funny it becomes.

After the international incident, I am no longer allowed to be a commentator at any Quidditch game, public or private.
- Not even if someone else does the speaking and I just whisper lines to them.
- Not even if I write them down.
- Or mime them.
- I am not allowed to attend Quidditch games, period.

Selling ideas for new prank items to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes based on the list of things I am forbidden to do would be wrong, if profitable.
- If they come up with the same idea independently, I will still accept the blame.

The professor does not have to prove that it's my fault beyond a reasonable doubt, as this is not a court of law, they are not a lawyer, and I am not entitled to the presumption of innocence until proven guilty.

Even if I have demonstrated that I will happily listen to that song repeated twenty times in a row, I am still not allowed to teach it to Peeves.
- No teaching songs to Peeves, period.
- No giving other students suggestions either.

Just because Harry Potter got away with it does not mean that I can.
- If I press the issue, I will lose more than just House Points and privileges.

Taking a song that already exists and writing new words about Professor Lupin's love life is something I will regret if I do.
- I will regret it more if I sing it in public.
Subscribe
Comments for this post were disabled by the author