Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

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It's been a bad week.

Several different unrelated people seem to think that the appropriate phrase for the days when I lock up and have this inexplicable terror at the thought of going outside or doing anything (specifically, usually going to work or going about my normal routine) is "panic attack".

They've been traditionally linked with my menstrual cycle. Except when that goes haywire (as it is doing now -- it is the Great Drought, and no, I haven't been around any unchaperoned sperm for Quite Some Time, thanks) it seems to happen anyway. It's bad enough when I am getting enough sleep. It's worse when the insomnia thing is in full force. Usually it's only one day every month or so, and often enough that falls on one of my weekends.

Two weeks ago -- the 9th and 10th -- I was out of commission with this. This week -- the 23rd, 24th, and 25th -- I was out of commission. That's just counting the work days. I barely made it out for the writing group this past week.

That's far too much time out of my life right there, and this needs to stop. I did some poking about online and called a local organization to see what their recommendations were for places to start on getting this -- whatever the fuck is causing it -- fixed.

Step one is to get a general physical and see if there's anything overtly physically wrong. Irregular cycles is something physical. Insomnia can have physical roots. Well, actually, step one is to see what medical care programs I qualify for, because I have absolutely no insurance and a variable (and low) income -- I go from full-time to part-time based on the hours work has available. Then some physical-issues investigation. And after that, into the scary realm of psych stuff.

It isn't a constant problem, but it's a chronic one. I'd be just as relieved as the next person if there's a treatable physical cause, or, failing that, some "Comfortably Numb" remedy I can use to put the absolute nonfunctionality at bay until my logical weekend.

Annnnnd ... that's what I've been up to. When I can think.
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