Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

Now for ten years we've been on our own / ... / but that's not how it used to be

Since CTY came up in the last post, I had to poke around Google. has a whole lot of old stuff on it. It wasn't my clan, not really; I was just one of the offshoots. Sort of. I wonder if there'd be any interest in an argh-and-spink wiki. That could be fun. I was poking around the digiclan site, and I had my hand over my mouth and nose in that way that women do when we're not sure if we're going to cry or not. It's been so long. So, so long. Trust in Snapple.

There's just this sense of loss and longing all rolled up into one. That exceptionally geekycool teenager is not me, anymore. If I'd been less focused on Shawn, would I have been more of a part of them? What if I'd lived in another state, any other state? What if I'd had the freedom to roam about the country to go see them all? What if I'd stayed with the Lady E and married her? What if I'd gotten an e-mail address sooner? Unless I unhinge my mind enough to go skipping between potential universes (again), I'll never know. I don't want to leave my life-that-I-have. Interests/Hobbies: listening to woeful (or, less often, gleeful) tales of people's lovelives OMG that was me vs. Shawn; I don't even think I have half the e-mail archives that I had of all that rich intertwined text where our hearts & souls were laid bare... "It's called nostalgia, dear."

The media. The traditions. The people. Oh, the people. My people. My friends. There was the time before CTY when I was always an outsider. When CTY came, I became an insider. And it wasn't the kind of thing where you had to change your whole personality to like what the popular people liked. It was getting people who liked the same things, so once we connected, we were automatically cool. We shared around more cool stuff. I'd never really thought about black nail polish until we started wearing it. There were all these things I'd never done before, things that were excellently cool, that automatically became enshrined above and beyond their inherent coolness just because I'd never done them before and it was us. Insane injokes. Self-referential references.

Sugar high hair dye kamikaze fruit fly. ... It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel...
it's the end of the world as we know it ...


Argh & SpInk missed our ten-year reunion. Josh and I got together for a bit in the winter and it was great, but it ... it wasn't ...

I met a girl who sang the blues / I asked her for some happy news / but she just smiled and turned away...

...I'm not sure if I'm going to start with laughing or crying or both. Either case, I'm going to curl up in bed soon, with my nice safe rocks and my nice safe shoe lightsabre.

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