Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic
azurelunatic

The internet is not a great big truck!

by Ryan Singel and Kevin Poulsen
Thursday, 29 June 2006
Your Own Personal Internet

The Senate Commerce Committee deadlocked 11 to 11 on an amendment inserting some very basic net neutrality provisions into a moving telecommunications bill. The provisions didn't prohibit an ISP from handling VOIP faster than emails, but would have made it illegal to handle its own VOIP packets faster than a competitor's.

Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) explained why he voted against the amendment and gave an amazing primer on how the internet works.

There's one company now you can sign up and you can get a movie delivered to your house daily by delivery service. Okay. And currently it comes to your house, it gets put in the mail box when you get home and you change your order but you pay for that, right.

But this service is now going to go through the internet* and what you do is you just go to a place on the internet and you order your movie and guess what you can order ten of them delivered to you and the delivery charge is free.

Ten of them streaming across that internet and what happens to your own personal internet?

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.

So you want to talk about the consumer? Let's talk about you and me. We use this internet to communicate and we aren't using it for commercial purposes.

We aren't earning anything by going on that internet. Now I'm not saying you have to or you want to discrimnate against those people [¿]

The regulatory approach is wrong. Your approach is regulatory in the sense that it says "No one can charge anyone for massively invading this world of the internet". No, I'm not finished. I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time. [¿]

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.

It's a series of tubes.

And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

Now we have a separate Department of Defense internet now, did you know that?

Do you know why?

Because they have to have theirs delivered immediately. They can't afford getting delayed by other people.

[¿]

Now I think these people are arguing whether they should be able to dump all that stuff on the internet ought to consider if they should develop a system themselves.

Maybe there is a place for a commercial net but it's not using what consumers use every day.

It's not using the messaging service that is essential to small businesses, to our operation of families.

The whole concept is that we should not go into this until someone shows that there is something that has been done that really is a viloation of net neutraility that hits you and me.
**The full audio can be found here on a Public Knowledge blog.

(**Hat Tip: Alex Curtis and Art Brodsky at Public Knowledge)

* Update: A little internet forensics work explains why the internet took 5 days to travel from the Senator's staff to his inbox.

I also fixed a transcription error so that the sentence which reads "But this service isn't going to go through the interent" now reads "But this service is now going to go through the internet." The error was mine (thanks to reader Marc).

**Update 2: I updated the link to the audio and the Hat Tip to more accurately reflect that this mp3 was posted by Public Knowledge's Alex Curtis and brought to my attention via a press release.)


KATE
The internet is really really great
TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn
KATE
I’ve got a fast connection so i don’t have to wait
TREKKIE
For porn
KATE
Huh?
There's always some new site,
TREKKIE
For porn!
I browse all day and night
TREKKIE
For porn!
KATE
It's like i’m surfing at the speed of light
TREKKIE
For porn!
KATE
Trekkie!

TREKKIE
The internet is for porn
KATE
Trekkie!
TREKKIE
The internet is for porn,
KATE
What are you doing!?
TREKKIE
Why you think the net was born?
Porn porn porn

KATE
Treee—kkie!
TREKKIE
Oh hello kate monster
KATE
You are ruining my song
TREKKIE
Oh me sorry, me no mean to
KATE
Well if you wouldnt mind please being quiet for a minute so i can finish?
TREKKIE
Me no talkie
KATE
Good

I’m glad we have this new technology
TREKKIE
For porn
KATE
Which gives us untold opportunity
TREKKIE
For por—oops, sorry
KATE
Right from you own desktop
TREKKIE
For ---
KATE
You can research browse and shop
Until you’ve had enough and your ready to stop
TREKKIE
FOR PORN!!


Trekkie!
TREKKIE
The internet is for porn!
KATE
Noooo
TREKKIE
The internet if for porn!
KATE
Trekkie
TREKKIE
Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn!

KATE
That’s gross you’re a pervert
TREKKIE
Ah, sticks and stones Kate monster
KATE
NO really, your a pervert
Normal people don’t sit at home and look
At porn on the internet
TREKKIE
Ohhhh?
KATE
What?!
TREKKIE
You have no idea
Ready normal people?

NORMAL PEOPLE
Ready--- ready ----ready

TREKKIE
Let me hear it!

TREKKIE AND GUYS
The internet is for porn!
PRINCETON
Sorry kate
TREKKIE AND GUYS
The internet is for porn!
PRINCETON
I masturbate!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
All these guys unzip their flies
For porn, porn, porn!

KATE
The internet is not for porn!!

TREKKIE AND GUYS
PORN!, PORN, P---

KATE
HOLD ON A SECOND!

Now i know for a fact that you, Rob, check your portfolio and trade stocks online

ROB
That’s correct.

KATE
And Brian, you buy things on Amazon.com

BRIAN
Sure!

KATE
And Gary, you keep selling your possesions on Ebay

GARY
Yes I do!

KATE
And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card

PRINCETON
True!

TREKKIE
Oh, but Kate-
What you think he do . . .after? hmm?

PRINCETON
. .yeah

KATE
EEEWWWWW!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
The internet is for porn!
KATE
Gross!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
The internet is for porn!
KATE
I hate porn
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Grab your dick and double click
KATE
I hate you men!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
For porn, porn, porn!
(harmonizing) porn, porn, porn, porn
KATE
I’m leaving!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Porn, porn, porn, porn
porn, porn, porn, porn
KATE
I hate the internet!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Porn, porn, porn, porn

TREKKIE
The internet is for

TREKKIE AND SOME
The internet is for

TREKKIE AND ALL
The internet is for PORN!

TREKKIE
YEAH!
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