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Best friend pointed out that hey, my irrational guilt over something was just that, irrational.

There are reasons why I adore this man, yes. I'm getting a lot better at keeping a lid on the actions associated with this.

However, when the phantom sensation of him hugging me from behind and breathing on my ear shows up, I really prefer it when I'm not anywhere near him, because I will not then have to explain why I am blushing.

I made a promise to myself about not groping other people with the feelings of mine that rightfully belong to Darkside. It's not that I've been doing this recently (I haven't been groping anybody) but it's something that I had done in the past that I hadn't quite been able to identify why it made me feel like ick. It's not fair to anyone concerned. I shouldn't have been using my Main Squeeze of the moment without consideration for them to have one off because I was frustrated at not being able to get with Darkside. Not without them knowing why I was so needy all of a sudden then. It's not like he's some remote objectified movie star. I can see the whole "David Duchovny HOT; must boink SO, NOW!" thing. I have no particular objection to my main squeeze boinking me with particular enthusiasm because of some particular objectified entertainment they've found. And if they tell me that they're all horny because of X, but they prefer to be boinking me instead, I'm generally OK with that. I'm wired poly, so I would be OK with someone being all NRE or all loving or all horny over someone else, and that enhancing any boinking with me, because NRE gets all over everything around it, and that's where the compersion kicks in. I would have a problem with someone being horny for someone close but unattainable, and boinking me as a poor subsitute, especially if I didn't know what was going on. I'd like to be cared for and boinked for myself. Not as a substitute.


"Other People's Lives", Ray Davies. Hilarious because it's so sadly true.

The girl who Obso1337 Manager said was the sibling of an employee and not actually an employee herself is actually a Dayshift employee. This does a little more to explain her presence in the building, but still doesn't explain why she's always in the break room on the phone.
Gone away, gone ahead,
Echoes roll unanswered.
Empty, open, dusty, dead.
Why have all the Weyrfolk fled?

Where have dragons gone together
Leaving weyrs to wind and weather,
Setting herdbeasts free of tether;
Gone, our safeguards, gone, but whither?

Have they flown to some new weyr
Where cruel Threads some others fear?
Are they worlds away from here?
Why, oh why the empty weyr?

-- "The Question Song", Anne McCaffrey
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