Having completely failed my "be a fucking grown-up" roll for Saturday, I'm going to bed.

Off to decent if late start -- dragged out late to do plasma, went to party after plasma. Party good. Party awesome, in fact. Bubble gun, pool, lots of people having fun -- it ruled. I was almost sorry to leave for RHPS, but azwriter at least would be devirginized, and I had made the commitment to be there.

I hadn't counted on freeway construction. I hadn't counted on leaving later than I'd planned to.

I didn't see any of the writers there when I got there. I waited around until time to let people in, looking. Then I got a refund for my ticket on the grounds that my party failed to show, and went back to the graduation party, where I'd been having fun.

Writers Group angst ensued. I said more things in chat than I'd really intended to, but I established to myself if no one else that I am just done. I love the people and the creative space we have created, but I cannot maintain the close bonding of the creative space with the all-inclusiveness that Fresh Start requires. It is not something that I can do. I can have one, but not the other. I want to keep the creative space we have created. (I don't know if I'd go back to a group that didn't have that. I don't think I could.) Fresh Start can't have as one of their groups a group that shuts people out. I can't run that group. It's not something I can do.

I can keep the group running for one, maybe two more weeks until we figure something out. I don't know if I'll be able to go back after that. I'm going to talk to Darkside sometime tomorrow, because he brings sanity.

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Myrrh, e-mail (@yahoo or @lj) or call (602)xxx-xx42 tomorrow when you want to see about doing the IKEA thing. My text messages are down dead down nonfunctional fucked.