i think i'm mentally lost. this happens a few times every year. sometimes not at all, sometimes for months on end. i've only been lost a few weeks now. been trying to hide it. don't think it's working.
had to quit the other job that i was so excited about getting. stupid me for thinking i could do it. i can't. i just can't.
my friends are holding me together, but i'm not sure they're aware they're doing this. i wish they were, but i doubt i should be the one to tell them. they probably know.
wish my ability to be serious weren't linked so deeply to my melancholia. i have convinced my best friend that i don't want to be cheered up. wish i hadn't. wish he were able to better tell me depressed from me serious.
i need another star trek book and a couple hours almost-alone. want to read it in the corner of the couch wrapped in a blanket with my best friend sitting next to me reading too. there's something very isolating about computers to me. they entrance me. i can't look away. you can always put down a book for just a moment to share a smile. books are smaller, and you have to lean closer to share them.
i'm going to be fine. i've just been running, my mind's just been running, without correction for too long... and did I mention i'm running an unstable operating system?