Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic
azurelunatic

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This is your brain.

So hcolleen and I were conversing in the car on our way back from work1, and the subject of ADHD and how they're considering including it in the autistic spectrum came up as a topic of discussion. And like all good conversations do, it wound around.

From hcolleen's background knowledge, and her observation of me, I present like a classic adult ADHD ... male.

*headdesk*

No, really. I have the scatterbrainedness. I have the hyperfocus. I have the wiggles. (She mentioned that females generally got socialized out of the wiggles. I got socialized out of them, but I'm trying to get back into the wiggling habit, because a degree of motion while I'm theoretically in one place is far better for me than just sitting still.) I'd started wondering if I had an undiagnosed and very mild bit of ADHD, or regular ADD, a while ago, but it never really got beyond wondering. I knew that I had unusual attention focus issues/capabilities, but it never really dawned on me that there was anything to it beyond me just being smart and easily bored/distracted if I wasn't completely into what I was trying to do.

I didn't think it was necessarily apparent to anyone else. Evidently it's glaring.

I have the ability to get drawn into a deep state of concentration on whatever it is that I'm doing, and completely lose track of time unless jolted out of that state. I have the massive multitasking, and sometimes being able to juggle it with minute control, and sometimes completely fucking losing it. I have the severe difficulty focusing when it's not something I have any desire to do, and slipping into doing something else and getting lost in it. I have the random anxiety problems exacerbating the issue when things get bad, and ... well, the depression is under control, and it's gone from being an anvil on a thread to being an anvil on a sturdy rope, but the anvil is still over my head, and I'm not Roadrunner.

It's not a diagnosis by any means, but ... it would make a lot of sense. I have to go wrap my head around the concept now.
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