I have a very smooth and professional phone voice. I have been mistaken for an IVR literally more times than I can count.
"If you are calling for voicemail, say 'Voicemail'. Por Espanol, oprima nueve."
"Where did you get this telephone number to call for your voicemail? If it was from your telephone service provider, say 'telephone service provider'. If it was some other way, say 'other'." ("And what was that other source?")
"And what telephone service provider do you have?"
"How are you calling this voicemail number? If you are dialing it by hand, say 'manual'. If you have programmed it in to your telephone yourself, say 'saved'. If it was programmed into your telephone by your telephone company, say 'automatic'. For anything else, say 'other'."
Oh, I so hope Darkside will allow me the chance to play, if normal means do not dissuade his idiot from harassing him.