amberfox told me this one, and it is from her sister's circle of friends. Much of this is related just as she related them to me.
Evidently someone, somewhere in this circle of friends, had the bright idea to use egg whites as lube.
You know how sometimes one winds up with santorum [animation warning, nsfw either] after/during sex?
"Um... that's not cum."
Yep. The combination of egg whites and vigorous motion had conspired to form butt meringue. And don't forget -- meringue is sticky, and can be used as glue in a pinch!
The tale does not include exactly how this incident resolved itself, but one imagines that it involved no little embarrassment, and also scrubbing.
In a similar incident, evidently someone of someone else's acquaintance used Cool Whip as a lube. >_<
Also from this same circle of Amber's sister's friends: caramel. Caramel sounds like it might be a tasty sex toy. (Not caramel sauce, mind you. Caramel.) It turns out that hot sugar is not crotch or pubic hair friendly.
And then from someone else's circle of friends: evidently some guy had an obnoxious habit of falling asleep naked in someone's living room. The solution to this was evidently to paint his behind with egg whites. (According to Drew, it being someone else's living room is "the decorative fail bits of wrong on the icing of the wrong cake, from the stupid desserts menu.")