Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

10 pounds of Bad Physics moments in a 5-pound bag, plus crackfic bunnies.

10:03 PM 3/31/2010
Since it's technically personal information, I keep a Gmail label now for people who have my address. Then I found myself adding a store where I'd registered for a rewards program to it, and blinked at the mental collision.

10:15 PM 3/31/2010
I've been having One of Those Evenings in #dreamwidth. Observe:
The following log has been redacted of things irrelevant to my narrative.

[21:13] Azz: dear #dreamwidth, I would like to confess that I have just put a lid on a vessel tighter than I can, in fact, screw off.
[21:13] Azz: ... at least temporarily.
[21:13] Azz: Perhaps my humbling of myself here granted me a temporary boost in strength.
[21:14] * rahaeli lends you the rubber husband
[21:14] * Azz giggles. is this flat or roughly cylindrical?
[21:14] rahaeli: flat! the grippy rubber thingy that has the nubbs on it for a better grip
[21:15] Azz: ah yes!
[21:15] Azz: there were two products I could think of that warranted that name. One made more sense in context than the other.
[21:16] * Azz sends herself to hEll for being incurably gutterbrained
[21:16] * RWHell sneaks out a scaly hand and grabs herself for being incurably gutterbrained!
[21:16] jld: One of these products can, in a pinch, be substituted for by carefully placed rubber bands, sort of.
[21:16] * RWHell 's depths emit a sudden roar as it expels slow internet. (stayed in Hell for 7 days)
[21:18] Azz: (now RWHell appears to be female and temporarily impersonating Michael Jackson.)
[21:18] rahaeli: anyway, you can try running it under hot water
[21:18] rahaeli: and then give it a good whack around the edges
[21:18] rahaeli: that usually gets the lid off.
[21:18] Azz: Literally no sooner than I'd shared this with channel, I got the lid off.
[21:19] jld: The demo effect / talk-to-the-bear also works for jars?
[21:19] Azz: and I'm not sure how well that works with containers where the lid and the container are the same material (hard plastic), with a silicone rubber seal, and a hole in the top.
[21:19] Azz: apparently it does!
[21:20] Azz: (this is the clear cold-beverage-with-straw version of the Hipster Coffee Cup.)

[conversation about chocolate delivery, gelato, and NYC/San Francisco starts. It is raining in SF, and therefore if anyone is to go out for gelato, they will need a jacket and shoes. Also, SF locals don't scare easily.]

[21:22] Azz: the ... gelateria? House of Gelato? that I like on Castro was having a buy-two-pints-get-a-half-pint-free sale.
[21:23] rahaeli: gelateria :)
[21:23] ChemicalLace: I am having mint chocolate chip frozen cutard soon.
[21:23] ChemicalLace: Oooh, I like that gelato place.
[21:23] ChemicalLace: I need some vacation time to go down to SF.
[21:24] Azz: yes!
[21:24] Azz: We can bring gelato and colonize Mark's living room and play Rock Band.
[21:25] Azz: (if it were Phoenix or Fairbanks I might say "and roam around the city and scare the locals", but this is SF, the locals don't scare very easily, and roaming around the city is a given.)


[21:26] Azz: an alien invasion might be seen as an advertising stunt with particularly good sfx.

[However, a busful of midwesterners gawking at the Castro is sometimes enough to scare the Castro.]

[21:39] Azz: know, when I got those round plastic ice cube replacement dealies, I said to myself, "Azz, this is going to be awesome." And when I put those round plastic ice cube replacement dealies in the freezer, this evening, I said to myself, "Azz, you know that when you open the freezer door, all of those r.p.i.c.r.d. are going to come ROLLING AND FLYING out, due to intertia and them being on the shelf."
[21:39] Azz: (there is a shelf with no lip thing.)
[21:40] Azz: But I said to myself, "Oh! I will just open the freezer door *very slowly and carefully!"
[21:40] ChemicalLace: Uh huh
[21:40] ChemicalLace: you need a little box thing. or a bag
[21:40] ChemicalLace: or anything
[21:40] ChemicalLace: after you pick them off the floor
[21:41] MissKat: Make sur eyou rinse them off first
[21:41] Azz: Let me tell you, #dreamwidth, the last time I saw anything similar, it was that Sony Bravia commercial where they bounce a dumptruckload of power balls down a hill.
[21:41] Azz: that was more epic, but this was in my kitchen.
[21:41] Azz: I'm lucky I was wearing a high-cleavage shirt this evening.
[21:42] Azz: I have an ice cube bin.
[21:42] Azz: It was not in the freezer due to an earlier too-much-beef situation.
[21:43] MissKat: ....I do not want to know.
[21:43] MissKat: I had azz talk to the new boyfriend and assure him that I am, in fact, dangerous and terrifying.
[21:43] Azz: dude, $1.29/lb london broil is not to be scoffed at.
[21:43] MissKat: Afterwards, he patted me on the head and said, yes dear.
[21:44] MissKat: And on that note, bedtime <3
[21:44] *** MissKat is now known as MissKat|zzz.
[21:44] Azz: Goodnight!
[21:45] Azz: ... you know, I am going to go ahead and do the smart thing, and test the leak-resistant qualities of my new cup in the kitchen over the sink, not in the living room over my skirt.
[21:45] * Azz having one of those evenings.
[21:46] * jeshyr reads scrool and giggles at the idea of Azz's round ice cubes and drools at everybody's gelati/gelato/icecream/frozen stuff.
[21:47] * Azz returns from kitchen, slightly dampened
[21:48] Azz: well, the good news is, the seals at the sides work perfectly, and, even completely inverted, if the little plastic retaining circle is on the correct side of the lid, only a few drops escape from the sides of the straw-hole, and the straw just drips a bit.
[21:48] mathsnerd: what's the bad news?
[21:49] Azz: However, if one then decides to suck from the straw, while the cup is inverted, the delicate balance of surface tension/reluctance to create a vacuum is broken (the liquid in the straw keeping air from rushing *in* via that route*) and one has coke in the face. and down the cleavage.
[21:50] exor674: so don't drink it while lying down? :P
[21:51] Azz: as an encore, maybe I'll go out and buy a transparent yoga ball for a computer chair, inflate it, and then decide to dump glitter in through the open air-filling hole.
[21:51] mathsnerd: have fun mopping your cleavage :D
[21:52] Azz: (complete with sticking my face in really close so I can see what I'm doing and hit the hole right.)
[21:52] * mathsnerd gigglesnort
[21:52] * Azz recalls *this* fun physics trick from the last time she tried it
[21:53] Azz: (It was sometime in 2005 or so, at about 3am.)

[22:13] Azz: Wheeee the $political shirt that norabombay sent me arrived!
[22:13] Azz: It was in this afternoon's mail haul.
[22:13] Azz: It is pretty, I wish to subscribe to its Twitter feed, and moreover it is warm and dry and does not smell faintly of coca-cola product still.
[22:22] rahaeli: hee hee hee.


[22:42] xb95: [mumble mumble] kirk [mumble mumble]
[22:42] rahaeli: heeee
[22:43] Azz: thank you for the earworm. R.E.M. is now playing "Where's Captain Kirk?" in my head.
[22:43] xb95: pleasure to serve
[22:43] rahaeli: oh god damn you azz
[22:44] Azz: do you have it too, or something else?
[22:44] rahaeli: you said REM and now i have "what's the frequency kenneth".
[22:45] Azz: oh dear.
[22:46] Azz: *you* said "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?", and I thought, "And my head obligingly changes station" preparatory to writing it, but THAT THOUGHT ALONE was enough to briefly tune me through "Radio Free Europe" before settling in on "Radio Song".
[22:47] Azz: inside of my head = VERY LOUD broken search engine.
[22:48] rahaeli: heeeee

(now on earwormhole too.)

12:44 AM 4/1/2010
Oh god, it keeps getting worse.
Again, stripped of other stuff.
[00:33] Azz: all right! In the third, and I hope *final*, episode of Azz vs. Extreme Physics: FAIL! for the night: I have moved the shelves in my refrigerator.
[00:34] Azz: I have a very special refrigerator. Because this is a studio apartment in which one person is expected to live alone, maybe two if they're close, the management has granted us each a refrigerator about 2/3 of the size of a normal household-sized US refrigerator.
[00:36] Azz: My refrigerator is shoved into a nook in the postage-stamp-sized kitchen. Because that nook fits the size of the refrigerator so exactly, the door opens perfectly adequately to move items in and out, but not wide enough to fit one of the refrigerator's shelves.
[00:36] Azz: The refrigerator has two shelves, which were stacked on the same level.
[00:39] Azz: So obviously one had to pull the refrigerator out of the nook in order to do any operation on its shelves. That was not the problem (though the shelf is badly designed and therefore I shudder with disgust at it), although it was sufficiently daunting to make me put it off for *months*.
[00:39] Azz: no. the problem came when the plug pulled out.
[00:40] Azz: and it turns out that either you have to be much taller than I am, much thinner, with a much higher stepstool, or else a *fucking magician*, in order to plug the refrigerator into that outlet.
[00:40] Azz: I think it will be a healthy and bracing April Fool's Day challenge for maintenance tomorrow.
[00:41] Azz: I suspect that the refrigerator was plugged in before the countertop opposite it was installed, actually.

[For the record, the refrigerator now is plugged in to an outlet on the other side of the nook with the cunning use of three chained power strips to form an extension cord. There's nothing else on those power strips so I'm not worried in the short term.]

1:40 AM 4/1/2010
That was bad physics. This is crackfic.

[01:26] Cesy: Haha, poor Doctor Who tag wrangler. Companions also exist in Valdemar, so it's not unambiguous.
[01:26] Azz: Not to mention Firefly.
[01:26] Azz: OH DEAR G-D NO.
[01:28] Azz: thank you, brain, for giving me the image of a white horse, in the company of the Doctor. The horse is wearing things that horses should never ever wear, with kohl-rimmed eyes. NO NO NO.
[01:28] Azz: (and, having traumatized myself, I will cheerfully traumatize the rest of IRC. I'm generous and giving that way.)
[01:29] Azz: though filmy harem pants and a skimpy bodice just do not look the same on a horse, I must say. Even a shining white one with blue eyes and silver hooves.
[01:29] TheDivineGoat: I think the Doctor would love having a Horse for a companion.
[01:30] Azz: Dr. Who companion + Valdemar Companion, no problem.
[01:30] Azz: Dr. Who companion + Firefly Companion, no problem either.
[01:30] Azz: It's when you cross Valdemar Companion with Firefly Companion that you get a horse courtesan, and JUST NO.
[01:31] TheDivineGoat: I know I've come across quite a few Doctor & Inara fics. (And some Doctor/Inara fics)
[01:32] Azz: oh dear goodness, I think my brain has just generated possibly one of the most cracked-out ideas I've ever had yet.
[01:32] Azz: Inara, reincarnated as a Companion.
[01:33] TheDivineGoat: Hee.
[01:33] Azz: The Doctor's newest incarnation? Also a Companion.
[01:33] TheDivineGoat: Write it! Write it! Write it!
[01:33] Azz: PLEH.
[01:34] Azz: send lots of !!!!PLEH, because oh *my* that could be amazing, and also amazingly BAD.
[01:34] TheDivineGoat: But amazingly bad in a good way?
[01:35] Azz: yes.
[01:35] Azz: I have just sent this concept to norabombay, my partner in many forms of fannish wrong since, like, 1996.
[01:36] Azz: (Maybe 1997. but it's been over a decade.)
[01:36] TheDivineGoat: I look forward to what comes forth. ;-)
[01:37] Azz: Usually stuff between us gets bounced around and possibly results in some cracked-out photoshop, and a running joke.
[01:38] Azz: for example, the concept that B*B*, so reviled that his name is not spoken lest it draw curses upon us all, is a Lackey villain.
[01:39] Azz: one who has gotten into a position of power over the recreational activities of the Heralds, and has proceeded to Stop That It Looks Like You're Having Fun for the sake of the CHILDRENS at far too many things.
[01:39] Azz: it could happen.
[01:40] TheDivineGoat: Hee. :D

2:04 AM 4/1/2010
So yeah, what did I do today?
Random inside tasks.
Went to the office, paid rent, confirmed electronic key was working on the clubhouse door, confirmed physical key was not working on hot tub door, got new physical key for hot tub door.
Checked mail.
Went back to the office to pick up AWESOME Obama '08 shirt from norabombay (a T-shirt sale is fun for the whole family, thanks!)
Since I had already braved my door and was on the wrong side of it, shopping time.
Stopped at "I love this bakery". Stopped at Walgreens. Stopped at Cost Plus. Stopped at Trader Joe's. Stopped at Papa Murphy's.
Had a Bad Physics moment or two.
Commenced with the long-procrastinated Moving of the Refrigerator Shelves.
More Bad Physics.

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