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THE HEAVENLY COCKFIST

This was quite some time ago, over the summer while I was dogsitting. There's no real way to explain this, so this has the relevant bits from the chat log so you can sort of follow along the descent into pure surreal. All redacted and stuff, as the artist wishes to remain anonymous. :D

[13:37] [anonymous artist]: Hi. :D I came across something just now that I figured you'd be interested in, since I know you have a fascination with this sort of thing.
[13:38] [anonymous artist]: Let me quote part of one line, to whet your appetite for what's to come.
[13:38] [anonymous artist]: "God has a Holy, Righteous Penis."
[13:38] [anonymous artist]: http://www.fstdt.com/QuoteComment.aspx?QID=62318
[13:38] [anonymous artist]: It's not even sarcasm.
[13:39] [personal profile] azurelunatic: Oh ... dear. This could be either very good or very bad. *clicks*
[13:41] [personal profile] azurelunatic: ...
[13:41] [personal profile] azurelunatic: D:
[13:41] [anonymous artist]: Inorite?
[13:42] [personal profile] azurelunatic: Wow. Someone is carrying their analogies a ... little too far. D:
[13:42] [anonymous artist]: OTOH, it makes sense in a bizarre way. Christianity *does* teach that we're made in His image. This obviously means that God has a Holy, Righteous Vagina, too.
[13:43] [personal profile] azurelunatic: Which is not just for sex and childbirth, that's just your filthy evil prejudices talking. :-P
[13:43] [anonymous artist]: Right?
[13:43] [personal profile] azurelunatic: ALSO FOR FISTING!!!
[13:43] [anonymous artist]: I don't know how you can fist with your cock, but that said, God could do anything he wants.
[13:45] [personal profile] azurelunatic: THE COCKFIST!
[13:46] [anonymous artist]: I... am almost tempted to 'shop that.
[13:49] [anonymous artist]: (Interesting fact: Googling for 'cock', even with SafeSearch off, brings up Wikipedia as the first result.) Somehow I doubt that most people searching for 'cock' are really looking for Wikipedia.
[13:52] [personal profile] azurelunatic: "YOU GOT YOUR COCK IN MY WIKIPEDIA." "YEAH? WELL YOU GOT YOUR WIKIPEDIA IN MY COCK."
[13:53] [anonymous artist]: That sounds painful.
[13:53] [anonymous artist]: Actually, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to source an image of a single upright cock with nothing else in it.
[13:54] [anonymous artist]: I mean, I suppose http://www.jrcompton.com/photos/The_Birds/J/apr-08/pea-cock-_J210196.jpg would fit that description but it's not the sort of cock I'm looking for...
[13:54] [personal profile] azurelunatic: I would say "harder than it sounds?" but I realize that this is a bad pun in two different ways.
[13:55] [anonymous artist]: :P
[13:55] [anonymous artist]: I can get one of the ways, but not the other.
[13:56] [anonymous artist]: Also, there are some *strange* pictures on the Internet.
[14:01] [anonymous artist]: It is, on the other hand, surprisingly easy to get an image of a fist like that.
[14:01] [anonymous artist]: Now, let's see what I can do with this.
[14:02] [anonymous artist]: (and before you ask; no, I'm not looking for one with a wedding ring.)
[14:02] [personal profile] azurelunatic: heeeeeeeee

(various links are exchanged)

[14:04] [anonymous artist]: (also, gotta love that somebody can't spell 'jerkoff' in the URL)
[14:05] [personal profile] azurelunatic: I'm using 'erect' 'penis' as search terms, which may account for me getting perhaps better results.
[14:19] [anonymous artist]: *nods* I'm playing with the cock now. (In the GIMP.)

[14:52] [anonymous artist]: I am done!
[14:53] [anonymous artist]: Behold, the Heavenly Cockfist: (Link: [domain redacted]/heavenly-cockfist.jpg)[domain redacted]/heavenly-cockfist.jpg

Nude male body with completely shaved pubic hair and erect penis. Instead of the upper portion of the shaft and head, a clenched fist has been substituted using The GIMP. The whole penis assemblage glows slightly.

[07:57] [personal profile] azurelunatic: I re-hosted it on scrapbook and linked to it on twitter. :D
[07:57] [anonymous artist]: Hee! *looks*
[07:58] [anonymous artist]: Heh :D
[08:00] [anonymous artist]: More went into that image than it looks at first glance, btw. The original image was too small to fit the fist in, so I had to manufacture more grey background. And then I needed to remove the tip of the cock, needing me to manufacture more grey background. But I like the result.
[08:01] [personal profile] azurelunatic: COCKFIST COCKFIST COCKFIST
[08:01] [anonymous artist]: Not just a cockfist, a *heavenly* cockfist.
[08:02] [anonymous artist]: It's glowing, so it must be heavenly, right?
[08:02] [personal profile] azurelunatic: Right!
[08:03] [anonymous artist]: Or maybe it's just radioactive. Either way, at least there'd be no problem seeing where to put it.
[08:07] [anonymous artist]: Actually, I just tried doing it without the glow. I think it looks kinda better that way. [domain redacted]/heavenly-cockfist-noglow.jpg

Nude male body with completely shaved pubic hair and erect penis. Instead of the upper portion of the shaft and head, a clenched fist has been substituted using The GIMP. Without the glow, the fist is crisper and slightly more menacing, which does not detract from the overall hilarity of the concept.

[08:08] [personal profile] azurelunatic: Halo or no?
[08:08] [anonymous artist]: I could put a halo in if wanted.
[08:10] * [personal profile] azurelunatic cackling madly here

[08:20] [anonymous artist]: Well, I gave it a go. Only I didn't quite know what to do for a halo, so I used a wedding ring for it. [domain redacted]/heavenly-cockfist-halo.jpg
[08:20] [personal profile] azurelunatic: OH THAT IS WONDERFUL OMG OMG OMG YES
[08:20] [anonymous artist]: Not sure I like the way the body just disappears halfway up though.
[08:21] [personal profile] azurelunatic: that is a bit distracting, the halfway-up thing.
[08:22] [anonymous artist]: It is. But it's harder to manufacture convincing-looking body. D:
[08:22] [personal profile] azurelunatic: hmm, perhaps finding a full-length body, and pasting the cockfist assemblage onto that?
[08:23] [personal profile] azurelunatic: and the only better halo, if we're going rings, that I could imagine might be http://www.google.com/images?q=one%20ring
[08:23] [anonymous artist]: ...oh yes.
[08:23] [anonymous artist]: Only, the Elven writing is visible :/
[08:24] [personal profile] azurelunatic: part of the hilarity, because that gets into the "is it a halo or the One Cockring" territory.
[08:24] [personal profile] azurelunatic: :D
[08:24] [anonymous artist]: Heeee! I'll give it a go then.
[08:27] [anonymous artist]: ...omg, the image I chose is *exactly the right angle*, too.
[08:28] [personal profile] azurelunatic: :D
[08:28] [anonymous artist]: And the right size too. I hardly had to change anything. Maybe it *is* the One Cockring.
[08:28] [personal profile] azurelunatic: :D :D :D
[08:31] [anonymous artist]: [domain redacted]/heavenly-cockfist-halo-2.jpg

Nude male body (which stops somewhere around the waist, with the background extending where his upper half ought to be) with completely shaved pubic hair and erect penis. Instead of the upper portion of the shaft and head, a clenched fist has been substituted using The GIMP. The whole penis assemblage glows slightly. The fist is haloed by, or about to punch through, the glowing, semi-transparent One Ring.

[08:31] [personal profile] azurelunatic: AWW YEAH
[08:31] [personal profile] azurelunatic: EEEEHEEEHEEEHEEEEEEEEEE
[08:32] [anonymous artist]: Now to figure out what to do about this body thing.
[08:35] [anonymous artist]: Trying to use the same tool I used to make the extra background isn't working out too well.
[08:36] * [personal profile] azurelunatic beholds the lovely progression: http://pics.livejournal.com/azurelunatic/tags/heavenly+cockfist/
[08:36] [anonymous artist]: I mean, it *works* - for values of 'works' that translate to 'looks like a monster from Hell'.
[08:36] [personal profile] azurelunatic: But that is not particularly heavenly. :(
[08:37] [anonymous artist]: No.
[08:37] [anonymous artist]: Let me give you an example.
[08:38] [anonymous artist]: [domain redacted]/heavenly-cockfist-halo-2-from-hell.jpg
[08:38] [anonymous artist]: That is not, as you say, heavenly.
[08:39] [anonymous artist]: I mean... it does a *great* job in the sense that it perfectly gets the feel of it. But something tells me this tool cares not for the form of the human body. :(
[08:41] [personal profile] azurelunatic: That would be very missing-bellybutton, yes.
[08:42] [personal profile] azurelunatic: I'm not sensitized to obvious photoshoppery like some people are, but it does seem a bit off.
[08:43] [anonymous artist]: I'm going to try something.
[08:51] [anonymous artist]: This is hard.
[08:52] [anonymous artist]: And by "hard" I mean "difficult", before you get any ideas ;p
[08:52] [personal profile] azurelunatic: heeeeeee
[08:57] [anonymous artist]: Alright, I think I may have something acceptable.
[08:58] [anonymous artist]: [domain redacted]/heavenly-cockfist-halo-3.jpg ?

Nude male body somewhat lacking in bellybutton and other expected abdominal features, with completely shaved pubic hair and erect penis. Instead of the upper portion of the shaft and head, a clenched fist has been substituted using The GIMP. The whole penis assemblage glows slightly. The fist is haloed by, or about to punch through, the glowing, semi-transparent One Ring.

[09:00] [personal profile] azurelunatic: Wheeeee!
[09:00] [anonymous artist]: OTOH, there should be a belly button around there. But I can't really add one in.
[09:00] [personal profile] azurelunatic: It's a cockfist.
[09:00] [personal profile] azurelunatic: Anatomically correct has been taken off the menu.
[09:01] [anonymous artist]: ...true ;p
[09:03] * [personal profile] azurelunatic giggling madly


[13:46] [personal profile] sithjawa: O COME ALL YE COCKFISTS
HOLY AND RIGHTEOUS
O COME ALL YE PENISES OF GOD (not man)
[13:47] [personal profile] azurelunatic: COME YE VAGINAS
COME YE CLITORIS
O COME ALL YE COCKFISTS
O COME ALL YE-E COCKFISTS
O COME ALL YE GENITALS OF GOD (not man)
[13:49] [personal profile] sithjawa: ...I just looked up the real lyrics, and they have this verse
[13:49] [personal profile] sithjawa: True God of true God, Light from Light Eternal,
Lo, He shuns not the Virgin’s womb;
Son of the Father, begotten, not created;
[13:49] [personal profile] sithjawa: IT IS ACTUALLY ABOUT COCKFIST
[13:49] [personal profile] sithjawa: I AM SOMEWHAT ALARMED
[13:49] [personal profile] azurelunatic: COCKFIST
[13:49] [personal profile] azurelunatic: COCKFISTING
[13:49] [personal profile] sithjawa: perhaps we are actually in cockfist universe
[13:49] [personal profile] sithjawa: THE COCKFIST DIMENSION
[13:49] [personal profile] azurelunatic: COCKFISTACULAR
[13:51] [personal profile] sithjawa: ,,,...Now my brain fears to think about the original poster's views on Jesus.
[13:52] [personal profile] sithjawa: That is to say, it's not the same as man's corrupted, fleshy one.
[13:52] [personal profile] sithjawa: Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing.
[13:53] [personal profile] sithjawa: o.o
[13:53] [personal profile] sithjawa: COCKFIST MADE FLESH FOR YOUR SINS
[13:53] [personal profile] sithjawa: o.
[13:53] [personal profile] sithjawa: o.O
[13:54] [personal profile] azurelunatic: The origin was very much "SO WHAT OTHER USES COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE FOR A PENIS, THEN???" and since it was, well, me, the answer was "fisting"
[13:55] [personal profile] sithjawa: It is probably a bad sign that my first thought was "Well... that is also insertion. How about... DELICIOUSNESS?"
[13:56] [personal profile] sithjawa: LETTER OPENER
HEN ROOST
WRITING IMPLEMENT
ow my brain
[13:56] [personal profile] sithjawa: (Am somewhat from delirious today AM HELPING)
[13:56] [personal profile] sithjawa: allergies and a cold is going around, and jet lag won't go away, maybe dehydration, IT MAKES MY BRAIN AWESOME FOR SCIENCE
[13:57] [personal profile] azurelunatic: TOWELRACK
[13:57] [personal profile] azurelunatic: PLUM ON WHITTLED STICK
[13:57] [personal profile] azurelunatic: CAT TOY
[13:57] [personal profile] sithjawa: THERMOMETER
[13:57] [personal profile] sithjawa: (if it shrivels it means it is too cold to go out without a sweater)
[13:57] [personal profile] azurelunatic: WAIST-HEIGHT DRAWER-CLOSER
[13:58] [personal profile] azurelunatic: PRESSURE SENSOR (expands in vacuum, shrinks under overpressure)
[13:58] [personal profile] sithjawa: Yes
[13:58] [personal profile] sithjawa: PAINTBRUSH
[13:58] [personal profile] azurelunatic: YES
[13:58] [personal profile] azurelunatic: THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO USES IT LIKE THAT
[13:58] [personal profile] azurelunatic: HE IS ENCROACHING ON GOD'S TERRITORY
[13:58] [personal profile] sithjawa: HE ONLY WANTS TO BE CLOSER TO THE DIVINE
[13:59] [personal profile] azurelunatic: CUE NINE INCH NAILS SONG "CLOSER" HERE
[13:59] [personal profile] sithjawa: Oh man THERE WAS LIKE A WHOLE CHAPTER OF MY CRAZY ART TEXTBOOK ON BODY PARTS AS PAINTBRUSHES
[13:59] [personal profile] azurelunatic: dude
[14:00] [personal profile] sithjawa: apparently there is a whole genre of feminist art involving applying Parts to canvas
[14:00] [personal profile] sithjawa: or inserting objects
[14:00] [personal profile] sithjawa: FOR ART
[14:01] [personal profile] sithjawa: This is one of the things they do not tell you that you will be learning about when you apply to be an art major,.
[14:02] [personal profile] azurelunatic: They might get some more art majors that way.
[14:02] [personal profile] azurelunatic: WHAT DOES THIS SAY FOR THE NASAL STAGE
[14:02] [personal profile] sithjawa: BOOGER
[14:02] [personal profile] sithjawa: Isn't that what everything says for the nasal stage?
[14:03] [personal profile] azurelunatic: SOMETIMES IT SAYS "HERE THIS SMELLS REALLY BAD YOU SMELL IT."
[14:03] [personal profile] sithjawa: AND THEN EVERYONE DOES
[14:03] [personal profile] azurelunatic: YES
[14:03] [personal profile] azurelunatic: AND ALSO SOMETIMES IT SAYS "I WONDER WHAT HAPPENS IF I STUFF M&MS UP MY NOSE"
[14:04] [personal profile] sithjawa: I have never wondered that but I have seen people get drunk and decide to snort altoids
[14:04] [personal profile] sithjawa: is that the same thing or is it different because altoids are not red and green and yellow?
[14:05] [personal profile] azurelunatic: SNORTING ALTOIDS IS TOTALLY A NASAL-STAGE DECISION
[14:05] [personal profile] sithjawa: GOT DRUNK AND BECAME NASAL
[14:06] [personal profile] sithjawa: ...the puppy is named mitchi and they keep calling him and I mishear
[14:06] [personal profile] sithjawa: COME HERE NIETSCHE
[14:06] [personal profile] sithjawa: SIT NIETZCHE
[14:06] [personal profile] azurelunatic: o deer
[14:06] [personal profile] azurelunatic: GAZE INTO THE ABYSS NIETSCHE
[14:06] [personal profile] sithjawa: *arf!*
[14:07] [personal profile] sithjawa: *whine whine*
[14:07] [personal profile] sithjawa: *paw over eyes*
[14:07] [personal profile] azurelunatic: LET THE ABYSS GAZE INTO YOU, NIETSCHE
[14:07] [personal profile] sithjawa: if I get a dog perhaps I will name it nietzsche.
[14:08] [personal profile] sithjawa: I WILL TEACH IT TO BARK AND JUMP UP ON PEOPLE IF I POINT AT THEM AND SAY 'SUPERMAN'
[14:08] [personal profile] azurelunatic: NIETZSCHE WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT WIDDLING ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR
[14:08] [personal profile] sithjawa: THEN I WILL TEACH IT TO ROLL OVER AND PLAY GOD
[14:09] [personal profile] azurelunatic: *giggle*

Crossposted. comment count unavailable comments.
Gone away, gone ahead,
Echoes roll unanswered.
Empty, open, dusty, dead.
Why have all the Weyrfolk fled?

Where have dragons gone together
Leaving weyrs to wind and weather,
Setting herdbeasts free of tether;
Gone, our safeguards, gone, but whither?

Have they flown to some new weyr
Where cruel Threads some others fear?
Are they worlds away from here?
Why, oh why the empty weyr?

-- "The Question Song", Anne McCaffrey
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