Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

This is why Juls and I might need adult supervision.

So [personal profile] jmtorres has some Iron Man headcanon that Pepper is a bot built by Tony Stark. IM crack ensues.

[personal profile] jmtorres: I love Pepperbot.

[personal profile] azurelunatic: I wish I could believe in Pepperbot! But she is totally in an AU-headcanon now.

[personal profile] jmtorres: oh?

[personal profile] azurelunatic: And the Tony of that AU is whining over a drink: I BUILT THE PERFECT SECRETARY BUT WHEN I FLIRT WITH HER SHE SAYS I'M SEXUALLY HARASSING HER

[personal profile] jmtorres: hahahahaah
that's pepperbot

[personal profile] azurelunatic: yeah
it's not headcanon on account of it would be too narratively tidy, and it would make Tony too happy

[personal profile] jmtorres: what, that he gave a robot free will and it worked?

[personal profile] azurelunatic: That the person closest to him is a robot of his own creation.

[personal profile] jmtorres: and then subsequently he is so needy that he is like "you won't ever leave me right? YOUR FREE WILL DOESN'T MAKE YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME RIGHT?"

[personal profile] azurelunatic: Never mind that, well, yes
I think I like the issues! but they are AU for me.
(My head spawns AUs like mad though)
while she is asleep
over IM
"but don't you enjoy the conversations we have, Pepper?"
"What? Oh, those. Yes, I enjoy reading the logs in the morning."
"Wha- -aa--"
"I'm *asleep*, Tony. You're having those conversations with the chatbot I installed. They *are* entertaining, though."
"But you're supposed to be on du--"
"Yes, the chatbot is programmed to wake me if you ask about anything important."

[personal profile] jmtorres: heee

[personal profile] azurelunatic: "BUT YOU ARE THE FINEST ANDROID EVER CREATED."
"Aren't you full of yourself? I think [uh insert something here] is probably better."
"WHAT, I WAS TRYING TO COMPLIMENT YOU ... though I must say, I do build a damn fine android..."
"A woman needs her beauty sleep, Tony."
(Pepperbot is aware of the problems with gender essentialism, and still uses it to score points off Tony in their debates)

[personal profile] jmtorres: snerk

[personal profile] azurelunatic: "You know, Tony, some times I think I might be a lesbian, and then I remember that the reason I don't explore my attraction to women is because of how much of a thrill that would give you."

[personal profile] jmtorres: heh
she totally did in my head
and firmly told tony he was *not* allowed to fantasize about her having lesbian sex

[personal profile] azurelunatic: :D

[personal profile] jmtorres: did i mention that when tony was building her he decided he needed a large volume of non-porn data on female genitalia and generated it personally by convincing a large volume of women to let him give them handjobs with his special sensor glove?

[personal profile] azurelunatic: ... ahahahaha hee
oh god

[personal profile] jmtorres: Yes.

[personal profile] azurelunatic: now I have an XKCD-style "All right, Mr. Stark, if it's for *science*..." moment in my head.

[personal profile] jmtorres: *cracking up*

Crossposted. comments.

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