I think it registered in my brain, finally, that there was a problem, when I told my mother-in-law-to-be the identity of one of my bridesmaids: River, my ex-boyfriend.
"Let me talk to A* now," his mother said. I handed over the phone. A* proceeded to talk with Mommy, and then chewed me out for divulging that River was to be a bridesmaid wearing a dress. "She says she won't come to the wedding if that's the case," he said.
"Good," I said, because I'd had enough of this woman.
"Um..." he said, and proceeded to waffle around the topic that in fact while he despised his mother and all her works, he still wanted her at his wedding.
I was furious, and damn near burst out with what I was really feeling, which was this: River means more to me than your mother or any other member of your family, including you; he saved my life more times than I care to count; if he can't be in my wedding as he wishes to be in my wedding, then I won't have a wedding at all.
Oh, I backed down, eventually, and then was furious with myself for betraying a central point of honor. There will be no wedding, not for me and A*.
My biosis, on the other hand, will marry River at some point in the undefined future. It's still uncertain which one of them will wear the dress...